10 Worst States in the USA

©FauxNews November 22nd, 2009
Homewood, New Jersey - With a sigh of relief, Nevada Tourism Officials announced that Nevada was somehow not listed on the Annual 10 Worst States in the USA.

"Apparently going Blue saved us from the shame of The List this year" said Jeremy Homenger from the NV Tourism Council and Day Spa. "I hope we can do something equally as impressive this year to keep us off. Maybe Tar and Feather Palin next week in Reno" he added.

Time will tell.

The 10 Worst States in the USA 2009


10. New Jersey GOP Governor. Sopranos ended.
9. Oklahoma Too many tornadoes. Not Enough ZEKE SAYS SO readers
8. Nebraska Even Springsteen hates this Red state now
7. Maine Banned Gay Marriage but still sell the "Secret Gay Uniform": LL Bean stuff.
6. Pennsylvania Chris Matthews is from here, and they like him, too. Nuff said,
5. South Carolina Every elected official from here is absolutely nuts.
4. Mississippi Most racist State in the USA.
3. West Virgina Racist and most dumbest state.
2. Florida Most crazy people per square mile. And Armed to the teeth.
1. Michigan State motto: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!


After topping the list for the 4th year in a row, Michigan officials disputed the list saying "Just become some dipshit in Reno puts us at the top of his made-up list, doesn't make it true".

Well, Michigan, once again you are horribly wrong.

20% of 20%

Yeah, she's everywhere. Soon even in Reno again.

Palin.

And although she has recently topped many lists as the 2012 GOP front runner, all I can say is: Who cares?

If you can remember the news from 2 weeks ago, ABC/Gallop reported that only 20% of Americans are reporting themselves to be Republicans. And of them, 20% report they think she is qualified to be President.

So the math of that mean Sarah Palin's "Base is 20% of 20% of the population. 4%.

From watching our wonderful "news" media coverage this week you'd think she had momentum. Or supporters. Or Something.

But like usual, they're wrong. Palin ain't nothing but a 4%er with a book deal.

Colbert: Grand Old Pity Party

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor

Possible New Jobs for Lou Dobbs

With Lou "Ser" Dobbs "leaving" CNN this week, there is much speculation where the cranky old bastard may do next. Here are some ideas.

• Border Patrol Agent
  This is the obvious choice, based on the Dobbs 4 year long anti-immigration tirade.
• Greeter at Bizarro World Walmart
  He's actually mean. Get it?
• Dick Cheney's Shoeshine Boy
  Ever since Cheney's old boy "disappeared" last year after mentioning that "he might vote for Obama", there has been an opening
• Nevada Governor
  Seriously ANYBODY is better than Jim "Shoebox with a Phonebook" Gibbons. Seriously, ANYBODY.

Oh who are we kidding? He'll have a show on Fox News before O'Reilly before Xmas.

Purple Heller Haze

Sung to the Tune of "Hey Joe" by Jimi Hendrix

"Hey Dean, where you goin' with that pen in your hand
Hey Dean, I said where you goin' with that pen in your hand

I'm going down to kill your healthcare bill
You know, I've caught it messin' around with that Obama man
I'm going down to kill your healthcare bill
You know, I've caught it messin' around with that Obama man 
And that ain't too cool

Hey Dean, I've heard you voted my health care down,
shot it down, now
I said I've heard you voted our health care down,
You voted it down to the ground

Yes I did, I voted no
You know, I caught it messin' round, messin' round town
Yes I did, I voted no
You know, I caught my old policy messin' around town
And I gave her the pen
I VOTED NAY!

Hey Dean, alright
Vote no one more time, baby

Hey Dean, said now
Where you gonna run to now?
Where you gonna run to?
Hey Dean Heller, I said where you gonna run to now?
Where you, where you gonna go?
Well, dig it

I'm goin' way down south,
Way down to Mexico way
Alright!
I'm goin' way down south,
Way down where I can be free
Ain't no one gonna find me

Ain't no voter gonna,
They ain't gonna un-elect me
You better believe it right now
I gotta go now
Hey Dean, you better run on down
Good by everybody
Hey Dean, uhh
Run on down

Ensign Soon to be Filly Busted

Xmas Gift Ideas For Tea Party Activists

It is coming up soon! That All American consumer holiday; Xmas!

And since you probably have at least one Wing Nut Tea Party type in your Gifting Circle; here are some ideas for the discerning Late Aughts Populist American Wack Job:

• Match-Box™ Tea Party Freedom Bus
  What 5 year old doesn't enjoy playing cars! And this bus will remind them of the great summer they had by riding all over Red America with other crazy, angry, old, white Wingnuts!
  
  
• Tea Party Pocket Calculator
  This handy device will allow them to come up with those amazing Tea Party crowd size estimates Fox News reports. Enter 1500 and it magically turnings into 125,000! Yay! We're SO popular!
  
  
• Ayn Rand Sacred Altar of Blessings
  A must have for every member of the Trickle Down Conservative Sect of America
  
  
• Kirkland "Jumbo Box o' Hate" Sign Painting Kit
  Comes complete with red, white and blue paint, swastikas and Obama Joker stencils. (Not available in Germany)
  
  
• One Way Plane Ticket to Myanmar
  The gift that keeps on giving(to the rest of us). Let them see what a REAL Fascist state looks like.
  
  

The New GOP Big Circus Tent

STEP RIGHT UP!

Some in the Republican Party are saying the GOP is taking a "Big Tent" approach with the voters, in an attempt to win back the millions of people who walked away last year to sit at the Blue lunch table.

But when YOU, the Independent Voter, go back into that Big Circus Tent, here are some of the things you will find besides promises that they've changed their ways:

• Larry Craig's copy of "Being Secretly Gay For Dumb Hypocrites"
• Jim Gibbon's Education Slashing Switchblade
• Tea Party Attendee's Nazi sign and 9mm Glock
• Rush Limbaugh's "Magic Negro" CD
• Sarah Palin's Invisible Newspaper Collection
• Sue Lowden's copy of the Nevada GOP Death Certificate
• John Ensign's Parents checkbook
• Glenn Beck's bottle of Acme Stage Tears For Actors™
• Dick Cheney's Waterboard

So STEP RIGHT UP!

Get yer tickets now for show of a lifetime! Brought to you by the Party that deregulated everything, politicized everything and created the biggest foreign policy blunder in US history.

Oh yeah, they also hate every minority and non Christian religion and believe that Real America is somewhere in Nebraska.

Halloween at the Palin House

Halloween at the Ensign House

Halloween at the Krolicki House