The NRA Is Pissed Off

And no, not because of what you think.

They are actually mad because the Obama administration has not lifted a single finger to ban or further regulate guns in America.

But you wouldn't know that from reading their website. They've got the gun owners of America in such a tizzy right now in fear of some crack down, that one of the only businesses in America doing well (except for Goldman Sachs and McDonald's) are gun shops. Some local guys here in town report doubled and even triple sales from two years ago. Keep in mind we are in a recession right now and other than for guns and ammo, people are hoarding their money.

So why would the NRA be perpetuating the myth that Obama has some plans to pry their guns from their clammy live fingers?

It's obvious. Money.

The NRA is a moneymaking enterprise. It has a staff, and an executive board. A well-paid executive board. They have everything to gain by increasing their membership. In fact their membership always spikes when Democrats are voted into office. It's almost natural.

And they sell their product with Fear™ and Created Urgency® by continuously stating that the Great 2009 Gun Confiscation Program is only months away. Kind of like the pitch men do when selling QCV crap on television.

Only problem is that from where I'm sitting, gun laws in general seem to be beginning more lax around the country, whilst Obama repeats endlessly that "gun rights are a back burner issue" for him at best, and "best handled by state governments" anyway.

And although our crack media hasn't figured this glaring inconsistency out yet, the NRA is certainly getting concerned about the lack of "an enemy" to sell against. If Obama doesn't start something soon, people might catch on that they've been sold a red herring. They certainly won't be able to fool their membership base for seven more years, especially with money being as tight as it is these days.

However, my good buddy Benjamin owns a local gun shop here in town. And for the last six months he's been buying lots and lots of free drinks for us down at the Dive Bar. So let the good Times roll and whatever you do, fearful white people, keep buying your guns. A jackbooted imaginary bogeyman is certainly coming for them.

Will that be cash or credit?

9 New GOP Medical Plans

Hey! Don't worry! The GOP are full of ideas these days on how to "make health care affordable for all Americans"!

Here are just a few of their great ideas:

• Require that only registered voters can use emergency rooms for treatment.
• Pass out "veto stampers" to Medicare and Medicaid payments staff (Governor Jim Gibbons idea)
• Ground all "Life Flight" helicopters. (God will preserve the injured if they deserve to live)
• Two Words: "No Gays"
• Reinstate bloodletting as a medical procedure.
• Allow HMO facilitators to do triage at city hospitals. (Stroke you say? You can wait)
• Require Exorcisms be done instead of psychiatric evaluations. (Priests are cheaper than shrinks)
• Ban all prescription medication. If Robitussin™ won't fix it, nothing will.
• Surgeon General Kevorkian

Family Man Ensign's Buddies

"Separation of Church and State".

Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

But what I can't figure out, is the same exact people who wrap themselves in the flag and carry on as if they invented patriotism, are the same people that perpetuate the joining of Church and State.

Why do we put up with it? Are people afraid to point out that it is incredibly inappropriate for Congress or the President to hold an annual "Prayer Breakfast"? Especially since this "tradition" has only been going on since the 1950s when Ike was forced to start the event in return for a political favor he had asked of "The Family". all the while spending our tax dollars to allow non-tax paying "Religious Leaders" access to our leaders and international dignitaries(Who probably think it's a legitimate an official event).

I'd like to see the Supreme Court rule on that issue, sometime soon.

Hey Bill! SHUT UP. Please.

Gibbon's Reno Town Hall Meeting Moved to Iraq

He went where?

Iraq? Huh?

With Reno's unemployment nearly reaching 11%, businesses closing left and right and State, County and City employees taking pay cuts, you would think our governor might want to hang around Nevada and "hold down the fort", so to speak.

But no.

Jon "Big Frog" Ralston reported yesterday that our embarrassing governor has decided to hold town hall meetings for the troops in Iraq.

Hey, God bless the troops and all that, but the last time I checked the troops have jobs unlike over 200,000 citizens of Nevada!

So Gibbons LISTEN UP SUCKER: The Troops don't need your support, they just need more ammo.

It would be much more appropriate if you held one of your famous town hall meetings here in Reno. You have heard of Reno right? It's where massive numbers of your unemployed Citizens live. It's also where the University is located - the one you tried to cut the budget by 54%. Remember now?

Since you went to Iraq with two other governors that may or may not be running for Senate soon, I hope this is a plan to replace Ensign with yourself. Because doing that will guarantee not only a Democrat in the Governor's mansion next year, but a second Democratic Senator in 2012.

Palin's Greatest Hits

Some Other Things Dead Fish Don't Do

A big shout out to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for teaching us "city-folk" what dead fish do and don't do, when offering "...only dead fish go with the flow".

Here are some other things dead fish don't do.

• Make Incomprehensible Resignation Speeches
  
• Quit Their Job
  
• (Ghost)Write Books
  
• Scream"Drill Baby Drill!"
  
• Destroy Their State's Environment
• Believe in Witches
  
• Shoot at Bear and Moose
  
• Run for President
  

Other Holidays to Be Taken Over by Tea Party Idiots

Recognizing that their April 15th annual event to protest paying taxes, The Tea Party Crowd decided this year they would also take over July 4th for protesting.

Despite crappy turnouts locally and nationwide, the national organizers (who are GOP staffers of course), have decided to insert their protests into other events.

Columbus Day
Connection: "The brave men of the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria did not sail across the ocean to be taxed!"

Halloween
Connection: "Our government is only pretending to be capitalist, while under the mask it's really KARL MARX!!!! AHHHHHHHH!"

National Secretary Day
Connection: "Secretaries are always the one that have to make the tea, but never get to drink it. And they also have to pay taxes!"

Many tea party enthusiasts also wanted to hold rallies on Christmas and Thanksgiving, but their mom's (whom they live with) wouldn't let them.

Saying Sarah Palin into the Mirror Three Times

I'm scared.

If you ask me, spooky Sister Sarah is going to come and get me, like she is doing to a Anchorage blogger who inferred recently that Palin was under investigation by the FBI.

Obviously she got a taste for blood in that little anti-Letterman stunt, and now she's coming for the rest of us. Bloggers, comedians and even bums on bar stools like me.

And if you recall, I said a lot of things about Sister Sarah. Oh brother.

While in office, she was too busy defending herself from lawsuits and inquiries, spending nearly $500,000 so far. But as a very well-paid "consultant" and public speaker, she'll have plenty of time and money to mop up punks like me, before she jumps full in for her 2012 Presidential Bid.

So you'll hear no jokes about Palin from me on this site, ever again.

Well, maybe until tomorrow anyway.

Happy Independence Day!

First Baseball. Now Art? Oh Great.

I've been clear on this issue before. Me and my "long time local" friends down at the Dive Bar do not approve of the "famed" Reno Renaissance of late.

With the opening of Artown this week, my beloved (and former shithole) downtown Reno is being turned into some kind of music and arts cultural mecca.

Nobody asked me.

I liked the way it was before: drug dealers, trash and dilapidated rundown casinos and slimy bars.

Now we have people with money walking around downtown, and apparently spending it.

What would Dino say?

Looks like I may have to move. I wonder if Fremont Street in Vegas is still as bad as it used to be?

Patriot™ Freedom®

Thankfully, it's become very easy to tell the political ideology of the person you're speaking to, by the words they use. In fact some words appear to have been completely "Owned" by one party or the other.
Here's a handy Zeke cheat sheet for you:

Republican Words
Freedom
Patriot
God Bless _________
Tea Party
"Bring to justice"
Tierney
Liberal
Reagan Conservative
"Government run medicine"
Minorities
President George W. Bush


Democrat Words
Fair
Transparency
"My Voice"
Social Justice
Equity
Progressive
Neocon
"Single-payer medicine"
"People of color"
Dub-ya

Gibbon's July To Do List