Reno City Council Votes to Create Oil Spill Disaster

©FauxNews July 15, 2010 
Reno, Nevada - The Reno City Council voted yesterday 5-2 to stage a fake oil spill on the Truckee River. Council documents indicate that the plan will be executed to "bring free worldwide media attention to Reno" and also "Provide jobs for our citizenry while cleaning up the fake mess".

Details of the plan include a secret contract with Lockheed to build a giant, fake oil tanker that will be installed near Verdi, Nevada and made to look like it is spilling it's 40,000,000 gallon load into the pristine mountain river. When asked about the reported plans, Lockheed spokesman Randall Pistolt said "What? Are you on drugs? By the way, jackass, Lockheed was bought out 20 years ago. There is no such company anymore. I don't exist."

Voting against the measure were non-crazy councilwoman Jessica Sferrazza and Mayor Bob Cashell who is apparently considering not being crazy in the future.

Bob Tompkins, a media consultant who worked with the city of Reno argued "It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Look at Louisiana. That place is a shithole, full of horrible horrible people. Now of course, because of Katrina and the oil spill, the same awful awful people get more sympathy than anyone else, AND $40 billion infused into the local economy. I think Reno would be much better as "a victim" rather than "a joke" is portrayed as now".

The city announced on its secret website "RENObscure.com that a contest would be used to select the name of the fake wrecked oil tanker. Front-runners so far in the contest are "Miss Atlantic City" and "Indian Gaming".

Rory Reid Changes Last Name to Sexstone

© FauxNews July 8, 2010
- Ely, Nevada - In a press release this morning, Clark County Commission Chair and Democratic nominee for governor, Rory Reid officially changed his last name. The Commissioner had been running with poor poll numbers against fake moderate GOP nominee Brian Sandoval for several months, lately showing nearly 20 points behind the former extremist judge.

"Hey, sorry dad. But just like you, I'm a scrapper. I am going to do just about anything to win, and if that means dumping our family's spoiled surname, that's what I'm going to do." said Rory Reid today as he left the courthouse.

As for where "Sexstone" came from, the Reid campaign reportedly used Google to come up with words that had the popular connotations, and combined them. Campaign manager Josh Woodson said "We picked two words that connotated strength. And then we doubled down.  We had thought about 'Palin', but then we all threw up and decided not to. Gross."

Sen. Harry Reid's office had no official statement, but off the record the Majority Leader of the Senate said "I am going to kick his little ass the next time I see him. Wait. Is that recorder on? Do you know what 'off the record' means, you Fourth Estate, asshole?"

Nevada Flavored Vodka?

I know some of you "newspaper reading type" people have seen the story about salmon flavored vodka that is being sold to commemorate Alaska. All the hipsters were talking about last night at the bar.

But what about the real states? You know, like Virginia and Idaho? You know, real states where actual people live?

Fortunately,  ZSS Corp. Distillery has announced a new line of state flavored vodkas, for your discerning palate, complete with corresponding flavors based on the flavor of the state. Get yours today!

Oklahoma -- Bible Flavored Vodka 
Michigan -- Rust Flavored Vodka
California -- Reefer Flavored Vodka (also available in Oregon)
Texas -- Cow Shit Flavored Vodka
New York -- Cabdriver Flavored Vodka
Massachusetts -- Healthcare Flavored Vodka (served in a syringe)
Louisiana -- Tar Ball Flavored Vodka 
Montana -- Scared Sheep Flavored Vodka
Florida -- Old Jew Flavored Vodka
Arizona -- Latino Tears Flavored Vodka
Utah -- White Bread and Marshmallow Flavored Faux-Vodka Water
and lastly
Nevada -- Dead Hooker Flavored Vodka