© FauxNews December 31st, 2009
Reno, Nevada - In an amazing exhibition of psychic powers, Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons astounded law enforcement and media yesterday by declaring "This airport is cleeeeeeean".
The Governor had taken an extensive nearly 20 minute tour of the baggage claim area of the recently remodeled Reno-Tahoe International Airport Wednesday before making the amazing statement. Sources close to the governor's office report "Psychic Jim" is amazing at finding lost keys, and picking California lottery numbers. "He truly has the Shining." said one office staffer.
The Amazing Gibbons then went on to explain through his use of a crystal ball, that both Barack Obama and Atty. Gen. Janet Napolitano were, in fact, responsible for the recent attack on a Northwest jet flying into Detroit. There were audible gasps from the assembled crowd upon Swami Gibbons pronouncement, considering he had no access to any intelligence beyond the Reno Gazette Journal. Which ain't saying much.
A wire service reporter with a stunned look on his face muttered "How can he be so wise? He sees everything. It makes perfect sense now. Of course it's the President and Attorney General's fault; how could they not know that the airport screeners in a Nigeria Airport would let this guy on the plane that eventually would wind up in the US?"
The Amazing Jim has opened up a palm reading side business in Carson City, where for a fee, he will also psychically predict what Democrats were responsible for past Bad Things. Cash and gold only.