Sharron Angle Victory Was Just a Practical Joke. Really.

© FauxNews - June 24, 2010
Mesquite, Nevada - Sources within the Nevada Republican Party announced this morning that the apparent victory in the Nevada primary two weeks ago by crazy, wingnut, angry, maligned Sharron Angle was actually an elaborate joke, perpetrated on The Republican National Committee and noted big frog, journalist Jon Ralston.

Billy Bob Soutersmith, PR director for the NvGOP said in a press release "It was just a really dumb joke that got out of control. Kind of like Jim Gibbons governorship. We thought everybody would figure it out right away, but apparently we make so many idiotic decisions, the media thought this absolutely retarded election outcome was for real. Truly amazing. We will have Sue Lowden, who won by a landslide in reality, back out on the campaign trail this afternoon. Of course, the problem is now somebody's got to tell gun toting Sharron."

An undisclosed insider believes the joke was perpetuated on the RNC as payback for their disallowing the Nevada delegates their seats at the Minneapolis 2008 National GOP Convention. Pretending that the state actually elected a nominee so completely incapable of winning a race against Harry Reid, might just settle the score from 2008.

Prior to this morning's revelation of the hoax, Jon Ralston, noted big frog, had spent the last two weeks attempting to establish himself as "the authority" on the imaginary Angle campaign. Since this morning's announcement Ralston has gone into hiding in his "pundit Castle" inside a hollowed out volcano near Mount Charleston Nevada.

Harry Reid's campaign manager Bluto "Knuckles" Antonio chuckled when asked about the story, adding "youse guys have some real balls calling yourselves journalists. My pit bull "Laxalt" has more investigative skills then you. But we already all know that."

10 Fun Facts About "Uncaring" Sharron Angle

With Sharron "Mrs. Dangle" Angle beating out the chicken lady, many news sources are playing catch-up to find out more about the new "Great Really White Hope" of the GOP, to beat Harry Reid in November.

Here are a couple facts you probably didn't know about the GOP's nominee for U.S. Senate from Nevada:

• She Is Unable to Blink Her Eyes
• Nickname in High School Was "lil' Spooky"
• She Has a Recurring Role in "Gossip Girl" as "strange parent #3"
• She Was Excommunicated from the Jedi Church for "embracing the Dark Side"
• Had a Plot Foiled by Scooby Doo Once, back in the 70s
• Keeps Pet Cobras in Her Living Room As Pets
• Has a Level III Certificate As a Flying Monkey Trainer
• Likes to Chop Open Beer Barrels with an Ax
• Shakes Her Fist at Every Passing School Bus, and yells "Socialists!"
• Scares the Living Shit Out Of Zeke

EVEN MORE STUFF

Eight Job Prospects for Sue Lowden (For Next Wednesday)

Sue Lowden is going to lose. It will be a happy day in Tea Party Land when they pick the extremist Sharron Angle as their anointed candidate for U.S. Senate in Nevada. There will be a big fuss, Fox news will talk about how the tea party is changing American politics blah blah blah.

But what of poor little Sue? What will she do? After all, she just accomplished the impossible! A female, attractive, conservative connected Republican, with piles of money and endorsements out the ying-yang managed to lose to a poor, crazy woman from Reno, single-handedly. Unbelievable.

She can't just go back to be just being a millionaire's wife, hanging around the pool in Vegas, and screwing up the Nevada GOP as a hobby. No. She needs to aspire to more. To reach out and touch the gilded flame of possibilities. Of Grandeur. Of Relevance And Significance! Her ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory must be fed!

So to help her, here are a couple leads for the soon-to-be ex-candidate for US Sen. from Nevada Sue "Sub" Lowden.

• PR director for Toyota America
• Mdm. of the Chicken Ranch, Pahrump Nevada
• VP of Safety for BP International
• Judge on American Idol, Redneck Edition (currently in pre-production)
• Tear Wrangler for Glenn Beck Show
• Tourism Director for State of Arizona
• Faux-News Correspondent
• Chair of the RNC

Low Turnout Democrats? Flunked Math Didn't You?

Uh, what?

Every day news reports come out across Nevada piping up about the "excited Republican base", and the "unexcited Democratic base" in regards to this year's early voting leading up to June 8 primary.

The only problem is, if you look at it logically, it's the Republicans who are in fact under-performing, in their turnout.

Why? I'm glad you asked.

The top two offices up for election in the primary, Governor and US Senator already have their Democratic candidates decided. The chance of anyone beating the Reids and zero. And everybody knows it.

However the Republicans, even with an incumbent in the governor's mansion, are duking it out with dozens of candidates and spending millions of dollars for both offices. The TV ads are wall-to-wall, and not a Democratic Candidate among'em.

So is the fact that the Republicans are out "turning out" the Democrats 4-3 in news worthy story?

Sure!

From where I'm sitting the GOP candidates have currently spent about $135,000 per primary vote and the Democrats have spent $11,000.

 Sounds to me like yet another massive NV GOP fail.