Palin Interviews Zeke

As the black canvas hood was removed from my head, I heard her voice. It came from around a corner, slightly muffled.

"Make him cry? You betcha!..." said the voice.
I could also hear slot machine bells ringing in the distance, possibly above me. It was hard to tell. My head was swimming.


I was in a darkened room. A bare light bulb hung above me. The glare hurt my eyes. I wasn't sure how I got here, but I knew I was in deep shit. My hands and feet were tied to a large metal chair. My head throb from chemicals injected earlier.

Sarah Palin came around the corner, stopping when she saw me.

"Well good morning Mr. Zeke! I'm so glad we have this time to talk" she said. Her riding crop snacked me on the side of my head, just in front of my ear. It hurt. A lot.

"I'm going to talk for a little while, and then you're going to talk. The more talking, the less pain.” Said the former governor. She looked great. I was scared shitless.

"Fuck you!" I spurted with one of my teeth flying out and bouncing across the floor. It was an incisor.

"Mr. Zeke, that is no way to speak to your betters." Her riding crop flashed again, and I wince from the pain. "Now listen up, you socialist liberal Godless peacenik."

I steeled myself for what would come next.

"Your little blog has caused me much pain over the past two years. And that's to stop. Today. You saw how easy it was for us to grab you from your pathetic little bar, and we'll do it again." she paced back and forth, as she spoke. And she looked fabulous in her nifty red torture jacket.

Then a blonde haired pudgy man stepped forward into the light, shadows draining across his face. He was wearing a vinyl smock over an expensive Brooks Brothers suit with a member of Congress lapel pin. It was him. This is bad.

"Dr. Heller is going to insert a chip in your arm. This chip will stay in your arm forever. If you cover it up, or remove it we will kill you, Just like we're going to kill health care reform." said Palin cheerfully. Her face was so close to mine I could smell the baby seal meat and anchovies Po' boy on her breath.

Dean "the Doctor" Heller pulled up my sleeve and started cutting into my bicep. The pain was exquisite. He giggled as he completed the surgery. It hurt almost as much as watching Jim Gibbons press conference.

Palin stepped forward and hovered over top of me "We are watching you. We have people everywhere now. There will be no more "stories" about me, or any of our tea party Republicans. It's over. Do you understand?"

"Bite me" I managed, and the riding crop came down on my nose and right eye. The world grew white for a second.

"Your act is getting very old, Mr. Zeke. We are very serious people. A very serious mission. Fake journalist like you have no place in our New Tea Party World Order. We can keep this back-and-forth crap up all day, or I can to bring "The Enforcer" in here to talk to you.

"NO! Not him!" My worst fear. Washoe DA Dick Gammick. The most evil man outside of West Africa.

"Okay. Whatever you want..." I mumbled.

"That's better. We can get along, can't we? Just listen to what Mama Grizzly says, and everything will be all right." Said Palin. She turned and disappeared into the darkness.

After a couple more minutes, Heller finished cutting into my arm, and I felt a needle slide into my neck. A warm sensation passed through my head as I faded into unconsciousness. Just before passing out I heard "Don't tread on us, motherfucker."

I awoke in the dark, our outsidtside in some bushes. I stumbled to my feet and looked to see the Atlantis Casino Hotel and Resort rising above me. I was lucky. I felt my arm, touching the bandages from the "surgery". This was bad.

I'm on the run now. Looking over my shoulder. Taking new routes everywhere. Staying in the shadows. Don't contact me anymore, I'm a ghost; a phantom. Watch your back. They're everywhere; The Tea Party is Watching.
 
It's a new morning in America. And I'm scared.

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