Congress Votes to Dissolve the United States. Really.

© September 21, 2010
Appomattox, VA - "It was a good run", said Congressman David Palmer (D-WA) as he emerged from the House chambers on Monday night,

The U.S. Congress has officially dissolved the United States into three separate countries and a series of territories. Discussion of the disintegration of the Constitution had been done in secret, as to speed up the process and allow for less posturing by all parties.

The three new countries are Dixietopia (NC,SC,AL,LA,TX,KY,TN,MS,MO,AZ,NM), West America (CA,WA,OR,HI,NV) and the United States of Diversity and Rust(most of the former East Coast and upper Midwest states).

Alaska, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Montana and the Dakotas were sold to Exxon and Shell Oil, with the requirement that all former citizens of those states be given jobs in oil production and mining. Also free healthcare and all the cigarettes and beer they want. The new corporate states also signed a 500 year energy price cost guarantee with the three new countries.

Former President of the United States of America Barack Obama said "it's kind of a shame, uh, to be the last President of the United States, but it, uh, least our people won't have to be divided anymore. I was elected, uh, to be "the great unifier", and it looks like I succeeded. Everybody will be united: in their own countries. Separately and Equally™."

New Monarch of West America Arnold Schwarzenegger commented "This was a lot easier than changing the old Constitution, to make me President. Now is the time you kiss my ring, serf."

Although the new boundaries have been drawn, National Guard troops will allow free flow of immigrants across the borders for six months as blacks gays and atheists move from Dixietopia, and conservatives, evangelicals and Fox News moves in.