Liberal Haunted House Opens in Carson City Today

© FauxNews October 30th, 2009
Gold Hill, Nevada - In an attempt to cash in on the massive Fox "News" create FEAR campaign, some out-of-work conservative Carson City spin doctors have created the first Nevada "Haunted House" aimed purely at one demographic group; the Wing Nut Anti-Civilization Tea Bagger Crowd.

The "BLEED US DRY - A Progressive House of Horrors" will be open today through midnight on Halloween and is free for all registered Republicans; Democrats $175 and Non-Partisans will actually be paid $10 to enter.

Some of the exhibits will include:

• ZOMBIEOBAMALAND-"Healthy, Educated non-white people in positions of power wave at customers"
• 2011-WHAT IF? "a nightmarish scenario where Democrats retain both houses of Congress against Newt Gingrich's predictions"
• NEVADA INCOME TAX-THE ATTACK OF THE CASINOS! In this terrifying section, (rumored to have been designed by Horrormeister Chuck Muth, the Nevada Gambling Industry installs enough Democratic elected officials in Nevada to overturn the State Constitution and allow the creation of a State Income Tax. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

To find the attraction, simply follow the "Skull-Donkey" spotlight, or text FEAR to NVGOP(68467) for directions.

Poem of Merit: Shaving Hairy Reid

It appears that our Dem Senator is a Beast,
who's advisers are all living back East,
but Harry will soon learn,
Trust is something you earn,
With "No Option" the Dem's ain't happy at him in the least.

-Zeke Reno

Be My Friend <3. LOL

Although Zeke Says So blog already has the biggest Social Media presence of any Blog in Nevada, we thought you may want to know about other places to get yer Zeke fix. So....

Find Zeke on:

FACEBOOK PAGE

FACEBOOK PROFILE

TWITTER

PICASA

FLICKR

And have a GREAT WEEKEND! TTFN!

Punks.

Nevada Bashing D'Jour

Hey! What's with the continuing beatdown of Nevada?

We're getting it from all sides, and what did we do to deserve this? I know we have a goofy Governor and GOP Senator, but hey, what State doesn't these days?

Let me know if I'm forgeting anyone, but here are "Foreign Interlopers" who are conspiring to pick on the people/industry of Nevada:

• Barack Obama - Banned all Fed Government convention in the State.(Apparently NV is too much fun for Civil Servants)
  
• State of California - Claiming that NV is "Stealing" business from them. (Yeah, we're the cause of your economic woes. Dicks)
  
• NYC Mayor Bloomberg - Sent NYC cops to Gun Show sting in Reno. (Maybe the Reno Mayor should do a sting on NYC's Financial Industry that almost destroyed the USA last year)
  
• Daily Show - Sent correspondent to ridicule NV voters last fall. (Thanks for going out of your way to find the dumbest people possible to interview)
  
• Right Wing Media (Talk Radio/Fox) - Continuous "out of state" led Reid bashing. (They blamed "Balloon Boy" on Reid yesterday. Yes really)
  
• Left Wing Media (MSnbc/HuffPost) - Continuous "out of State" Ensign and Reid bashing. (Oh the crappy heathcare "sales" problem couldn't possibly be the White House's fault. Oh no! Blame Reid!)
  
• Reno 911 - 1/2 hour of total Reno bashing (at least it was funny)
• Pro Health Care Non Profits - Wall to Wall anti Reid ads, spamming and phone calls from out of state. (What's next after unelecting our only Democratic Senator? Outlawing gambling?)
  
• Anti Government Californians - Monthly Anti Reid protests in Reno, Vegas and Carson City.
  
• CSI - The show portrays Vegas as having 3-5 murders/day. Riiiiiiight.
• Zeke Says So blog - Continuously refers to Nevadans as uneducated pawns of the Media. Oh wait, That's me.

Look. I'm sure our local TV stations are enjoying the ad revenue, but I think I can speak for ALL of Nevada when I say to the OTHER 49 states: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, PUNKS!

We Nevadans don't want your political/social advice, we just want your gambling revenue.

So go pick on Texas like you used to. Or Florida. They deserve it.

BREAKING NEWS: Ensign's Affair Was Just Publicity Stunt

©FauxNews October 19th, 2009
Henderson, Nevada - Las Vegas Sheriff Spokeman Paul "Two Times" Granger announced today that the recent scandal involving Senator John Ensign and a female Staffer was apparently just a hoax. Ensign and several other GOP Senators have been pitching a show to the MTV Network called "Real America Congressmen" and the entire affair and reported payoffs were a complete fabrication to give Ensign and other potential cast members "national face recognition".

Micheal Steele, Chair of the RNC said "This is an outrage and completely inappropriate behavior, even for a resident of a goofy State like Nevada. I will personally be investigating this situation and apply an appropriate punishment, unless, of course, I can get a cameo on the pilot. "


Las Vegas County District Attorney Miles "Big Daddy" Kinkowski said "Unfortuately we will not be able to charge Senator Ensign with anything as the Nevada State Constitution allows "...Citizens can do any dumb-ass thing they want, as long as it don't hurt nobody else...". It's in there right after the part banning Gay Marriage or having a state income tax."

Ensign Passes Krolicki

© FauxNews October 14, 2009
Ely, Nevada - In a recent DB Poll, embattled US Senator John Ensign has passed embattled Lt Governor Brian Krolicki as "Most Likely Nevada Polition to be Convicted of a Felony". In the poll, of 27 people who "think they can legally vote", over 53% now report that "Ensign Should be Locked Up", passing both embattled Governor Jim Gibbons 16% and Krolicki 31%.

Krolicki's office allegedly released a statement on the news saying, "Although we believe the charges against the Lt Governor are purely political theater, it's great to know that some other poor bastard gets to have the lead role now". Krolicki is still planning on a re-election bid in 2010, in spite of indictments against him for felony misappropriation of funds while Nevada Treasurer.

Governor Jim Gibbons office could not be reached for comment because it was 2-for-1 day at Carson City Mini Golf.

Zeke's Interview with Sue Lowden

Republican Candidate for US Senate Sue Lowden sat down with ZSS Editor Zeke Reno in her Las Vegas campaign office last week for this faux interview.

ZSS: Thanks for meeting with us today Ms Lowden. We appreciate taking time out of your busy schedule.

SL: No problem, Jon. I always have time for the Ralston Flash!

ZSS: Uhhh. Well ok then. Actually I'm with...uhhh. Never mind.

SL: Would you like some milk and cookies? We always have some right before Glenn Beck comes on the TV. It makes us feel so much better, considering we have an Evil Black man in the White House.

ZSS: No thanks. Actually Ms Lowden I was wondering if you could share with us what you might bring to the US Senate, other than just NOT being Harry Reid?

SL: Oh please don't call me "Ms", dear. I'm not one of those bra burning, baby killing fem-nazis! You can just call me Sue.

ZSS: Ok, Sue. Would you like me to repeat the question?

SL: ...Or Mrs Lowden. Although that sounds like I'm old.

ZSS: I'll stick with Sue.

SL: Do I look old?

ZSS: What? Um...ahhh...

SL: I really try to look my best, you know. It's hard to do in this damn desert climate...

ZSS: Mrs Lowden, about your campaign...

SL: Oh shucks can you take the "D word" out of that last quote? Senator Ensign told me if I curse I will go to the H-E-double hockey sticks...

ZSS: Sure. Now about...

SL: ...I used to use Avon's Pretty Face Cream™ but I heard they grind up babies to make that stuff, and I am TOTALLY against killing babies! Please write that down, Jon.

ZSS: (yelling) I am not Jon! I am Zeke! From Zeke Says So blog! From Reno!

SL: (silence)

ZSS: Sue?

SL: Get the fuck out. Now.

ZSS: It was nice talking to you today Sue.

SL: That's Ms Lowden to you, commie.

Emails To Zeke Part 9

It's been a while, so here's some of the better emails:

Q: "We are all sick of your liberal commie crap! Why don't you let SOMEONE ELSE say something for a while?"
-Barkeep Karl
Dive Bar Owner
Reno, NV

ZSS: Karl, you knucklehead! I sit in your depressing bar for 6 hours a day. Why didn't you say something before now? Give me whatever you want and I will post it this week.


Q: "Why don't you make fun of George W Bush or John McCain anymore? That shit was hysterical!"
RM
Boulder City, NV

ZSS: Yeah, tell me about it. Thank God for Ensign and Glenn Beck. I am also expecting some great things from Sue Lowden this winter. She is currently using an American flag's stripes to make an "E" in her name in her logo. Now THAT is a good indicator of pompous behavior to come! We'll be fine.


Q: "Since we didn't receive an envelope full of money this year, you can FORGET about winning "Best Blogger of Northern Nevada" in 2009. Also, learn how to spell you illiterate ape."
RW
RN&R
Reno, NV

ZSS: Sorry about that buddy. I blew all the money on your mother last night out at The Ranch. Seriously though, the Google ad's ain't been bringing in the moolah like last year. Sorry. If your paper is still in business next year, I'll make it up to you then.


Q: "Return the plans or be destroyed!"
DV
Death Star III
Lurking in Space

ZSS: "Uh, sorry Mr Cheney, I think you meant to send this to http://www.LeiaSaysSo.blogspot.com.

All Work and No Play Make You a GOP Blogger

Hey, what is up with the Conservative Bloggers posting on weekends?
I follow a bunch of them mainly to laugh at what they have to say, and it is obvious that "The Right" is burning the midnight (and weekend) oil lately to get their wacky opinions posted on the Interwebs.

Why? And where are all the Liberal Bloggers?

Well, Barkeep Karl says that "The Libs are probably all too busy smoking pot and dancing naked on a dry lakebed somewhere celebrating their new Nevada Civil Unions."; and he may be correct in that appraisal.

But are the Conservative Bloggers feeling that they need to play "catch up"? Or maybe they can't afford the gas money to go anywhere, (Liberals like bicycles and walking after all)

What ever the reason, the Right is certainly on the Digital March lately.

Uh oh.

NV Senator John Ensign Wins Nobel Piece Prize!

There are too many funny possiblities for this joke, so pick your favorite from the list below:

• CONTRIBUTIONS TO ADVANCEMENT OF HAIR AND BLOWDRYING
• ADVANCEMENTS IN ADULTERY TECHNIQUES
• WORK IN HYPOCRISY AND POLITICAL DOUBLE TALKING
• ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY IN BRIBING AND SECRET PAYOFFS
• EXPLORATIONS IN NEPOTISM

The Senator will unfortunately not be able to pick up the award in person next month as he most likely will be inditement and unable to leave the US due to bail restrictions..

Senator Dean Heller?

So do you like the sound of that?
Well then keep it up, knuckleheads.

What Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann are not pointing out is if John Ensign resigns, our very Republican Idiot Governor Jim "Doomed" Gibbons will pick the guy (Yes it will be a guy) to replace him.

There is only 1 non-disgraced Republican left in this State and it is Conservitive Darling Congressman Dean "Coal Burnin" Heller.

Heller is a Mormon like Gibbons.
Heller is a No Tax Loyal Republican like Gibbons.

And unlike Gibbons, Heller is squeaky clean and has very quietly decided to NOT run against Harry Reid for his Senate seat next year.

Ya know why? Because his has a great chance of being appointed to Senate without having to spend a single buck.

And if Heller does get appointed, he will be VERY difficult to beat in 2012 vs a shattered, newly divorced and possibly indicted Ensign.

So if you want that, keep calling for Ensign to step dowm. It will be just another great example of how the GOP can turn a liability into a victory.

Obama Loses at Solitaire, Too

© FauxNews October 3, 2009
Silver Spring, MD - In an amazing and far reaching defeat, President Barack Obama lost 2 out of 3 games this morning on his Blackberry. Republican leadership immediately pointed to the disgraceful defeat as a sign the coming end of the 9 month old administration.

Micheal Steele, Chair of the GOP said, "A man who can't even figure out how to win a randomly generated simple card game, has no business running the free world. And this is on top of his failure to stop last month's Solar Eclipse. A failure of leadership."

The White House released a statement on the matter a short while ago "What in the hell are you idiots talking about now? Why don't you go find a car chase to film?"

ZSS Corp's Amazing 3rd Q Report

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL FRIENDLY¹ MEDIA:

October 1st, 2009 The ZEKE SAYS SO Corp posted a startleing² 3rd Quarter SEC Report today, out performing analysts expected³ earnings by 100%. The company also reported an amazing 50%⁴ up-tick in overall sales, and regained the #2 status⁵ in the industry market share ranking report. Employee retention remained at 100% for the 3rd quarter, with zero layoffs or forced retirements⁶.

President and CEO Zeke Reno said wednesday morning "We are cautiously optimistic⁷ by our performance, but want to remind shareholders that, long term, ZSS Corp has produced a superior product⁸ that is 100% American Made⁹ and relatively carcinogen-free."

NOTES:
¹ Media that doesn't hate ZSS. If there are any left.
² Factually Challenged and mainly bullshit
³ Analysts were expecting bankruptcy and FBI raids at bare minimum
⁴ 3 People read the blog this quarter vs 2 in 2nd Q.
⁵ There are only 2 political Blogs in Reno
⁶ There were no employees left to layoff
⁷ Have taking giant red "Going Out of Business" sign off front door.
⁸According to Zeke, noted blogging expert
⁹ South and Central America are in America, too