Thursday, May 28, 2009

PETA to Protest Gibbons Veto Stamping Incident

© FauxNews May 28th 2009
Mound House, Nevada -
Members of Nevada's People for the Emphatic Tickling of Animals will be protesting Governor Jim "Smackdown" Gibbons tomorrow in response to reports that "Mr. Jinx", Nevada's First Cat, was accidentally gravely Mr Jinxinjured by Gibbons in a Veto Stamp Incident this weekend at the Governor's Mansion.

Gibbons, in this years attempt to break the all-time Veto Record by a governor, apparently whacked the feline on the forehead by accident when trying to execute the Double Pump Fader stamp on SB283 when the cat decided to walk over the governor's desk. Gibbons will certainly be breaking the all-time veto record for governor, although he is behind in "Veto Style Points" in the GOP Governors Fox News Veto Cup. With Nevada's Legislative Session nearly over, Gibbons needs 176 points to catch California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's 2158 points.

Milo Forlack of Reno PETA office said "I don't believe this was an accident. There are reports of the governor accidentally vetoing his dog, goldfish and three office staffers this weekend. the corporate media has done a great job in covering that up. The man is a menace and needs to be punished for his crimes against The Animal Kingdom."

Governor Gibbons office did not return FauxNews imaginary phone calls on this issue.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Angle's In? Reid Will Win

Look, I know I said a couple weeks ago that Harry Reid was in big trouble to get reelected.

But things have changed.

For those of you in Vegas, let me fill you in on Senator Reid's newly announced challenger Sharon Angle. Angle had been an Assemblywomen from heavily Republican district 26, which includes parts of Reno, Washoe Valley and the North Shore of Lake Tahoe. After giving up her seat[Dullard Mush] in 2006 to take on former Secretary of State Dean Heller in a VERY ugly primary battle for the open congressional seat vacated by our current idiot governor Jim Gibbons. Equally wing nut Ty Cobb Jr. eventually won the AD26 seat, after another GOP Primary throwdown.

In the Cogressional race, Angle managed to bitterly split the GOP in the district, alienating many, and smearing Dean Heller all over the media. Heller eventually won the primary but faced a much more difficult challenge (in the overwhelmingly Red Congressional District) with Democrat Jill Derby in November then he should have.

In 2008, instead of a running against Cobb or Heller, Angle decided this time to go after State Senate Majority Leader Bill Raggio. Again Angle broke out the nasty behavior and went to work on a fellow Republican, while linking up even further with the growing "I hate taxes-Nothing else matters" Ron Paul gang.

Put simply, Angle has no chance in hell and beating Harry Reid. She will, based on her last three election attempts, have the ability and propensity to bloody up "the Legitimate GOP challenger" in the primary season, requiring the candidate to take their eye off the ball to deal with her.

There will only be about three months for the GOP primary victor to concentrate fully on Reid. Reid, however, is already holding events, raising wads of cash and having people like President Obama campaign for him in the state. And although Nevada is full of crazy people, I don't think anyone's crazy enough to run against Reid in the Democratic primary.


So in other words, Angle entering the race for Senate changes everything.

Reid will certainly win. Thanks Sharon!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Gibbons Launches New 2010 Campaign Site

It is kinda strange, but it does give out some great info on America's Worst Governor Nevada's Jim Gibbons.

Gibbon's Campaign Website

Where Have the Republicans Gone?

Seriously.

When was the last time you met a Republican? And not just seen one on television; actually met a real live Republican?

Had to think about it didn't you?

Since 2006, and draamatically since last summers impending rout, Republicans have jumped off the sinking USS GOP to one of the following categories.

Independents
Like their Democratic brethren back in 2001, many former Republicans are now claiming to be "independent" or "non-partisan" since last summer. Many of them still feel strongly about "conservative values", but just want to duck out on the "stink of loser" that the Republicans were inevitably going to go through last fall. I suspect most of these newly minted independents will return to the GOP once the water warms up.

Libertarian
Many former GOPers are in this camp these days. Some came over because of the influence of Congressman Ron Paul and his philosophies of an isolationist foreign policy and anti-Federal Reserve issues. I bet very few of these newly minted libertarians ever return to the GOP; at least as long as the Dick Cheney influenced hawkish behavior continues by their national candidates. Also, many "western Republicans" like to tell people they are Libertarians- It makes them seem sexier, and insult the other parties at will.

Moderate Democrats
Because of the massive (and fake) Cultural Wars wedge device, many Social Moderate and Liberal Republicans have jumped ship to the Democrats. The anti-gay, pro-torture, anti-civil rights, antiscience and hyper partisanship of the national GOP candidates for the last four cycles have done an amazing job in clearing out all of the non-fundamentalists. Until the GOP gets rid of its ridiculous Dark Ages/Luddite philosophy, and return to economic issues as a focus they will never see any of these people again.

So who's left? Well, currently about 21% of the voters are claiming to be GOP. Most of these folks, I suspect, have brand loyalty issues. It's like they have an elephant tattoo their arm, and don't have the $250 to get it remove. Or they made su ass of themselves with their family and friends "rubbing in" the Bush victorys in 2000 and 2004 that they would be humiliated to admit what a dumb choice they made. Twice.

I don't think the Republican Party is dead. The only way I can see that happening is having Sarah Palin as their candidate in 2012.

We can only hope.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Friday, May 22, 2009

Gibbons Traded to AZ For a Governor to Be Named Later

© FauxNews Sports - May 21, 2009
Carson City Nevada -
After being pulled in the third inning at yesterday's Ely Town Hall Meeting, Nevada Governor Jim "The Mormon Choker" Gibbons has been sent down to the minors by State Manager Billy Martin.

Gibbons has been struggling lately in appearances, and is only lasted four innings in his previous three starts. With a worst in the league VERA (Voter Earned Respect Average) of 19.63%, Gibbons has very few fans in the stands at the Nevada Legislature Park this spring, particularly after some of his off field antics including his failing a "No Tax litmus test" two weeks ago.

Nevada Manager Martin said at yesterday's press conference "We really needed a great starting Governor this season with the many issues in the state, but Gibbo just couldn't get it done for us. I know he will succeed in a much less challenging division like the Red State league. He can focus on the fundamentals of a GOP Governor; scaring the population, ignoring the poor and hating gays. Although I can't say I'll miss him, I wish him good luck in Arizona."

Team captain Stephen Horstford said "With Gibbons packing, I think we may have a better chance of salvaging this season. Sometimes no leadership, is better than bad leadership."

No word yet on who Gibbons replacement will be, however several candidates are currently being discussed by the team management.

Zeke Blog Wins Nerpy Award!

The writing staff of the Zeke Says So blog would like to thank the voting members of the American Political Comedy Writers Association for their distinguishing this blog with their highest award at last night's ceremony in Los Angeles.

Although this blog was nominated for three awards, in Comedic Graphic Design and Outstanding Social Satire, we were more than happy to take home the statuette for the highly coveted "Best Writing" honors.

The five members of the ZSS writing staff joined Chief Writer Zeke Reno on stage at the Palladium Theater in downtown Los Angeles last night to receive the award in front of hundreds of peers and blog fans.

Zeke said "Even though I hate all of the people on my team, I wouldn't trade them for the best people in the industry. Also since I do most of the work around here, they're lucky to be on stage with me anyway. Seriously; I hate these guys."

This is the third Nerpy award for Reno's "#2 Best Political Blog in Nevada", having won "Best Newcomer" and "Loudest Blog" at last year's ceremony.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

E-Mails to Zeke Part 8

It's been awhile, so here's some replies to the burning questions of the day:

Q1: "I would really appreciate it if you would reach out to conservatives in Northern Nevada and try to find solutions, instead of fanning the fires of partisanship..." -BO Washington, DC
A: What's the fun in that? Besides, I'm a certified diagnosed political pyromaniac.

Q2: "Someone told me that you work for Senator Harry Reid. Is this true?" EN - Las Vegas
A: No. But I tell a lot of people that I do. It's like telling people you work for the CIA. Scary scary.

Q3: "What is your F#@%jng problem...?" -XX Reno
A: Take it easy Councilman. With language like that, I imagine you're practicing to run for governor of Illinois.

Q4: "If you are are the #2 Best Political Blogger in Nevada, then who is #1? =CM Carson City
A: I have no idea. But I am absolutely #2.

Q5: "How come you never show up at the Reno Blogger dinners?" RJ Reno
A: Actually, I've been to a couple. You must have missed the ones I attended.

Q6: "Why does God hate Reno?" BB Sun Valley
A: God likes to fuck with the Mormons. And this is still a Mormon town.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Luv Guv Spring To Do List


The 400 lb Gitmo

Okay. The liberals in the bar last night were freaking out.

People were saying that Senatorial Democrats and President Obama are reneging on their promises to close Guantánamo Bay and move the detainees into our criminal justice system, after Obama announced the return of military tribunals, and the Senate pulled the money to shut down Gitmo.

The reason for both of these actions appears to be escaping the grasp of the media as well as all of my educated and supposedly enlightened drinking companions.

And no, it is not because anybody is scared that a Super Max prisoner might somehow escape, as the Lost in the Woods Republicans are maintaining.

The problem is that if we move the Gitmo prisoners back here, and plug them into our justice system, almost every one of them will have to be released over a lack of evidence.

When we and our allies grabbed these guys off battlefields nobody ever thought it would have to put together a case against them. Even the real "bad guys" have very little evidence against them. Oops.

So although there is zero chance that any of these Enemy Combatants detainees would escape, there's a pretty good chance that we might actually screw ourselves into having to let them go. And no matter how much you love the Constitution, that would be a bad bad idea.

The funny thing is that if we had "winnable cases" against these guys, my post today would've been about how it would be better to bring them to a prison in Nevada, then the nuclear waste at Yucca Mountain.

Of course, the media hasn't figured this problem out yet: thank God we have a lawyer for President who is capable of looking at a couple steps down the road.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Schwarzenegger Planning a Run Against Reid?


When my little Republican buddy offered the scenario last night, I figured he was joking.

Seriously. How could the embattled Governator of California Arnold Schwarzenegger possibly hope to win against Senate Majority Leader Democrat Harry Reid? It seems silly.

Then I got to thinking. Which is always dangerous.

Arnold is in big trouble in California. His budget plan failed. Miserably. And he is on the hook for. If California voters reject his emergency budget propositions today , he has said on the record that he has no backup plan. "We're scwewed", I believe the quote was.

Facing an almost certain loss in overwhelmingly liberal, and super pissed off California, the Governator may actually have a better chance in running against the rather unpopular Reid for Senate in Nevada. He can't really do much more politically with California.

Many pundits feel that the only hope for Republicans to beat Reid is to bring in an out-of-state "ringer": Arnold is about the biggest ringer I've ever seen, and since most Nevadans are unaware of the impending economic disaster overseen by the Terminator, he would probably poll very well in a State full of uneducated, unconnected, hedonistic knuckleheads like us.

Of course, I think he would certainly be my favorite Republican in the state, as he really is a Democrat under all those muscles. Pro-choice? Pro-environment? Believes global warming is real? Likes to hang around with movie stars? Yeah he's a Democrat.

Keep an eye on the election results in California today. If the propositions fail, don't be surprised if Arnold starts making "fact-finding" trips to Vegas in Reno.

And when he says "I'll be back.", count on it.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Why Wingnuts Have Bad Teeth

If you haven't seen, the Nevada Senate is finally getting around to pushing through a bill that will require Washoe County (Reno) to install fluoride in drinking water system. [RGJ]

Despite the massive amounts of scientific proof, local wing nuts are opposed to the plan. Some argue "cost" issues. Some argue "it lowers our IQ".

What you don't know is that this debate has gone on for a long time, and included many other crazy ass conspiracy theories. I especially like the claims that fluoride makes you become a socialist.

From Wikipedia:

Water fluoridation has frequently been the subject of conspiracy theories. During the "Red Scare" in the United States during the late 1940s and 1950s, and to a lesser extent in the 1960s, activists on the far right of American politics routinely asserted that fluoridation was part of a far-reaching plot to impose a socialist or communist regime. They also opposed other public health programs, notably mass vaccination and mental health services.[46] Their views were influenced by opposition to a number of major social and political changes that had happened in recent years: the growth of internationalism, particularly the UN and its programs; the introduction of social welfare provisions, particularly the various programs established by the New Deal; and government efforts to reduce perceived inequalities in the social structure of the United States.[47]

Some took the view that fluoridation was only the first stage of a plan to control the American people. Fluoridation, it was claimed, was merely a stepping-stone on the way to implementing more ambitious programs. Others asserted the existence of a plot by communists and the United Nations to "deplete the brainpower and sap the strength of a generation of American children". Dr. Charles Bett, a prominent anti-fluoridationist, charged that fluoridation was "better THAN USING THE ATOM BOMB because the atom bomb has to be made, has to be transported to the place it is to be set off while POISONOUS FLUORINE has been placed right beside the water supplies by the Americans themselves ready to be dumped into the water mains whenever a Communist desires!" Similarly, a right-wing newsletter, the American Capsule News, claimed that "the Soviet General Staff is very happy about it. Anytime they get ready to strike, and their 5th column takes over, there are tons and tons of this poison "standing by" municipal and military water systems ready to be poured in within 15 minutes."[7]

This viewpoint led to major controversies over public health programs in the US, most notably in the case of the Alaska Mental Health Enabling Act controversy of 1956.[48] In the case of fluoridation, the controversy had a direct impact on local programs. During the 1950s and 1960s, referendums on introducing fluoridation were defeated in over a thousand Florida communities. Although the opposition was overcome in time, it was not until as late as the 1990s that fluoridated water was drunk by the majority of the population of the United States.[46]

The communist conspiracy argument declined in influence by the mid-1960s, becoming associated in the public mind with irrational fear and paranoia. It was lampooned in Stanley Kubrick's 1964 film Dr. Strangelove, in which the character General Jack D. Ripper initiates a nuclear war in the hope of thwarting a communist plot to "sap and impurify" the "precious bodily fluids" of the American people with fluoridated water. Similar satires appeared in other movies, such as 1967's In Like Flint, in which a character's fear of fluoridation is used to indicate that he is insane. Even some anti-fluoridationists recognized the damage that the conspiracy theorists were causing; Dr. Frederick Exner, an anti-fluoridation campaigner in the early 1960s, told a conference: "most people are not prepared to believe that fluoridation is a communist plot, and if you say it is, you are successfully ridiculed by the promoters. It is being done, effectively, every day ... some of the people on our side are the fluoridators' 'fifth column'."[7]

To me, is just another example of the crazy, anti-critical thinking conservative wingnut coalition who oppose any scientific thought even when it to something as simple as keeping your teeth from falling out.

Has anyone ever thought that the cliché about a person's lack of teeth equating to a lack of intelligence, may have something to do with their communities fear of fluoridation (and science in general)?

Come on Reno! Let's show the country we are not the idiots on Reno 911.

For once.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Poem : Nevada, Land of the Lost

The citizens of Nevada long ago agreed,
That taxing personal i
ncome was not a need,
But then in two thousand and eight,
We went b
roke as a state,
"Hey! Who says kids need to read?"
-Zeke
May 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Stress Testing Torture

It is being argued by talking heads and former elected officials, that some of the interrogation techniques used by the CIA and military at Gitmo are not torture. Because some dipshit lawyer wrote an "opinion" that it wasn't.

Well, here is a fun little exercise to try on your "Homeland security conservative" friends:

Tell them:
Pretend your 16-year-old son got arrested by the county sheriff last night for playing mailbox baseball with his buddies. When you showed up this morning at the jail to bail him out, you find out that Sheriff Bumpkin used a couple of "Enhanced Interrogation techniques" to find out who the other kids in the car were. You learn through the tear filled, soul crushed sobs of your child that the sheriff and his sworn deputies used:

  • Waterboarding
  • Wall Slamming
  • Face Slapping
  • Terrorized by a Police Dogs
  • Hung by his arms from the ceiling of the cell for hours

Maybe even the sheriff got "actionable intelligence" from your scarred for life son, and maybe even arrested a couple of "bad guys" for destroying mailboxes, a federal crime.

My question for you:Is this okay? If something like this happened, would there not be a public outcry? Would the entire Sheriff's Department be unemployed and most likely imprisoned without bail by the FBI for suspicion civil rights violations?

Consider this: the FBI did not use any of those techniques on the Unabomber, Tim McVeigh, the original World Trade Center bombers, Tim Bundy, the Weather Underground bombers, The Son of Sam, Al Capone or John Gotti. Were none of these infamous people dangerous? Probably withholding valuable information concerning their confederates?

My point is that the heinousness of a crime, does not allow us to lose our principles. Any good football coach will tell you, a person's character is defined during tough times. Beating up on powerless people, and sacrificing the very principles that you've lived by your whole life, demonstrates very clearly a lack of character.

Or maybe it demonstrates someone who doesn't believe in the principles of our Country after all.

It is imperative that somebody takes the fall for this. If we let this go without ramification, we are letting Rule of Law die. The senior policymakers who allow this situation to occur on their watch, as well as their lawyer henchmen need to be put on trial. Just like the sheriff in my example.

Torture is against international and US law.
We tortured prisoners.

Someone needs to pay. That's actually how Justice is supposed to work.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Torture Is Not Funny


Gibbons Is Afraid of Reno

Have you noticed that even though Governor Jim "winging it" Gibbons lives in Reno, he never has any events, town hall meetings or speeches in our lovely Burg?

I think he's afraid of us.

And he should be: Reno, Sparks and Washoe County not only now have a Democratic majority (like Clark County) but are full of crazy loudmouth activist types. Some of the activist types even know what they're talking about, unlike Gibbons, and would surely embarrass the living crap out of him in a face-to-face debate.

So our wonderful Governor, pretending to represent the population of Nevada, only holds his Town hall meetings, speeches and other public events in Podunk, wingnut way-stations like Fallon, Lovelock and Incline Village. Where very few people live.

In other words, our Governor literally drives right past most of us every day, so he can give speeches in front of a small minority of people who won't question his poor decision-making.

But then again, that's how the Republican Party operates.

If you recall from before the election, our wonderful Congressman Dean "Righty" Heller pulled the same strategy: never talked to the Washoe County voters, no matter what.

Why do we let them get away with this? Good question, Zeke. Good question.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Abe Lincoln Switches to Democratic Party

©FauxNews May 12th, 2009
Log Cabin, Illinois -
In a startling announcement, 16th President of the United States Abraham Lincoln switched allegiance, today and joined the Democratic Party. Lincoln is the third dead President to recently, postmortem, to join the Democratic Party in the past two weeks following Theodore Roosevelt and Dwight Eisenhower.

Famed psychic Madame Danza, who announced the revelation while standing next to the six foot four inch glowing specter of Lincoln, said "President Lincoln had been managing to hold on to the party that supported him through two elections, but their recent cries of secession have broken his faith. In fact, he's pretty pissed off about them and their antics. And there is nothing scarier than a pissed off Ghost of Abe Lincoln."

Presidential scholars are now left with the task of reprinting all of the children's American history textbooks, and labeling the three presidents as Postmortem Spiritual Democrats.

Michael Steele, Chair of the Republican National Committee, said "I wish Rush Limbaugh would shut the hell up. Oops. I mean "no comment".

Monday, May 11, 2009

Tobacco Lobby Is Buying Off The Legislature

Remember a couple years ago when the citizens of Nevada clearly voted a smoking ban in our state's bars and restaurants?

You'd think the Nevada Legislature would get the Message.

But no. [STORY]

Right now, our distinguished assemblyman are getting ready to vote on reversing some of the restrictions passed in the law by you and me, two and a half years ago.

The "Lobbying Group" supposedly behind the legislation is "the Nevada Bar and Tavern owners Association".

Right.

Every bar owner I know (and I know quite a few) is hurting for cash right now. I don't even know a single one who believes that the lack of smoking in their establishment, has contributed in any way to the decline of business. It's a ruse.

Furthermore, most restaurants and bars owners I know are trying to figure out what they are going to do for a living when their business folds in the next month or two. They are decidedly not sending money to a "make-believe" lobbying group to kickstart the smoking program again.

So who's got deep pockets and wants to see smoking return to Nevada's bars and restaurants?

The Tobacco Lobby. Those guys again.

If one of our crack real-life journalists in Nevada can pry themselves away from covering the swine flu story for half an hour, I bet it would be pretty easy to make the money connection, and show us how out-of-state murderous giant corporations are using smoke and miros (and big brown bags full of cash) to make Nevada America's Smoking State once again.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Here Comes the Nuke Marketing Squad!

Our good buddies at the local Reno television stations have been reporting all week that "Pro-Yucca Mountain" groups are about to begin a media blitz in Nevada.

Yay.

What they will need to do, is convince our relatively uneducated state population, that building a federal nuclear waste repository in Nevada, has an upside.

Never mind the dangers of storing or transporting this Most Dangerous Substance On Earth: I bet they skip right over that part.

What they will tell us is "jobs and revenue opportunities".

The funny thing is that very few jobs could possibly be created by this endeavor, and most of them will require advanced degrees that out-of-work Vegas strip workers do not have.

They will claim that alternative energy could also be developed at the dump site. Of course, a free candycane factory could be built there as well; I'm not sure why they add that. It's not like we need a nuke dump it to alternative energy research. Maybe saying alternative energy makes them feel happy in their soul?

They also are gonna tell us that the nuke dump site might possibly be developable as a "re-enrichment" processing site. Unfortunately/fortunately to re-enrich uranium, we would need our own nuclear reactor and a large water source. When you hear that suggested, please feel free to yell "Bullshit!" at your TV. Because that is what it is.

The good news is that with Obama's "smallest budget for Yucca" ever, and Senator Reid's leadership role in the Senate, this is probably the last gasps of a horrible idea.

But then again, we are one of the most under educated States in the country. Are we dumb enough to fall for it? Time will tell.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Zeke Corp. 1st Quarter Report

Wall Street Journal - May 6, 2009
The Zeke® Corporation posted its first quarter numbers today, with 3.2% growth prompting speculation in a possible surprise turnaround in the blogging sector. The National Blog Index had been in freefall since last month's Huffington Post reported zero dividend for 2nd quarter in a row while rumored to be a target of a takeover bid by archrival The DailyKos.

Nevada blogs overall, are down nearly 25% since November 2008, with several major players, (notably NV Mojo Rising and My Silver State) filing Chapter 11 before disappearing entirely into memory.

As Nevada's #2 Best Political Blog, industry insiders and blog advertisers look heavily towards Zeke Says So blog for indication into future market success.

When ZSS Corp. CEO Zeke Reno was asked about his blogs recent success he commented, "We're not doing anything special, but we aren't just recycling the same old Gibbons and Ensign jokes every day like the competition. I think the Gleaner even recycles its own headlines, for Christ's sake."

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

1976 'Swine Flu' Public Service Announcements


Liberal Jesus and Conservative Jesus

At around 11:30 p.m. every night, down at the bar, somebody wants to talk to me about God.
They are usually Christian, although a couple Moslims hang out in the Dive Bar also. Don't ask.

I've noticed that political perspective seems to be related to the type of Savior they worship.
So here it is for what it's worth:

Conservative Jesus

  • Is a vengeful God, always looking for you to fail. Like your Ex.
  • Jesus likes big churches and plenty of television cameras
  • Was a small business owner, and opposed oppressive Roman taxes
  • Hated the Gays. The New Testament was edited by liberals ya know
  • If "You're not with Him, you're against Him"
  • Wears handmade Designer Gucci sandals
  • Didn't drink the wine. He just made it to tempt the sinners
  • Capitalist
  • Had the best Golden Parachute plan of all time: right hand of the Lord!
  • Smells like Aqua Velva
Liberal Jesus
  • Loves everybody. Even criminals and ACORN employees
  • Lived a simple and impoverished life on purpose
  • Taught "Love thy Brother and Sister". 'Nuff said.
  • Jesus kept the congregation size down to 13. Bigger is not better
  • Forgave even the men who killed Him
  • Hosted huge parties, and provided the liquor no catches
  • Is barefoot because He gave His sandals to a leper
  • Socialist
  • Gave everything He had, including His life, for everyone else on Earth
  • Smells like Sandalwood
Now don't get me wrong. I ain't no Bible Thumper, but I can't figure out for the life of me how "The Right" got a hold of the driver seat of the Jesus Train in this Country. I guess it's easier to sell a God who kicks your ass, instead of one who hugs you.

And for the record, you will find me at the track on Sundays.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Poem: Gone Gibbons Gone

It seems Old Guv Jim could never win,
with Democrats from all sides closing in,
but when Gib took the stimulus money,
2010 was now all over Honey,
Because the Muth Army is gonna unelect him

-Zeke Reno
May 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

Political Darwinism

It would be funny, if it wasn't so sad.

I've been observing a variety of conservative wing nuts, who have cooked up conspiracy theories that the H1N1 virus outbreak is being "blown up" and hyped in order to produce a variety of "liberal agenda items". Some wing nuts suggest the goal is to quickly approve certain cabinet positions for the White House, some think it is just an excuse to create a single-payer socialized medical program and some think (my favorite) that the government will use FEMA to take everyone's guns away.

What is more interesting, is that it appears that conservatives are showing a pattern in failing to identify the significance of naturally occurring events. Events that can kill lots of people.

Remember that great speech by Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who made jokes about the unnecessary spending on volcanic research? Like volcanoes aren't dangerous.

Or how about the Bush administration's insistence on installing a provocative and aggressive missile defense system in Eastern Europe, a guaranteed troublemaker with a foreign nation that owns over 7000 ballistic nuclear missiles? Like nuclear war isn't dangerous.

I suspect that the reason why only one in five Americans now self-reports themselves as a Republican, is because they are killing themselves off à la The Darwin Awards. And if not literally killing themselves, they may be doing it politically by embracing crazy unpopular ideas like tax cuts for the top 5% income earners, starting unnecessary wars and endorsing anti-humanitarian issues like opposing gay marriage and torturing people.

My biggest fear is that we have a conservative "no tax" Republican President in the future when NASA observers report a comet is on a collision course with Earth. "We don't feel it's appropriate to build a missile to take out the comet, because that last thing America needs in our current economic condition is to spend money on some giant "tax-and-spend" government program designed to save every species on Earth."

And that is where the GOP is heading. (Unless of course they all get killed by toppling candy machines during attempts to steal Mars bars.)